Caught in the Cold (-Matthew-)

[Matthew Reid]

Matthew didn't look at her as he waited for an answer. He didn't want to know her reaction to his question and apologies... Though when she sighed, he glanced back at her. It was strange how abnormally peaceful her breath looked given the situation. It wasn't a particularly peaceful situation, after all, yet the small cloud of water vapor, oxygen and carbon dioxide seemed strangely peaceful as it unfurled away from her... As the coat fell for a second time, Matthew moved absentmindedly - albeit nervously - to put it back on her shoulders. He opened his mouth to apologise for the action, though couldn't actually form the words and so looked back at his coffee.

She spoke and his gaze didn't move until she said his name. Well, 'Mr Reid'. Matthew hated being called Doctor Reid or Mister Reid. It was so professional. So out of place. So strange. It had never made Matthew feel at all good... This was partly because 'Mister Reid' made him think of his father, which made him think of how William Reid had walked out when his wife needed the support of her loved ones. Actually, that may have been the only reason. He strongly disliked being at all reminded of his father or reminded of the relation between himself and the man...

Regardless as to his feelings towards the words she'd used to address him, Matthew's gaze turned to her when she said them. He didn't look annoyed, but rather... Curious. He was curious as to why she'd think he would think any less of her as she asked him to promise he wouldn't. He couldn't understand how whatever she was going to tell him could make him think less of her... Matthew had never been a particularly judgmental person, though. It was unusual, but it was his nature. He'd never been able to judge people if he'd actually spoken to them, which was a blessing more often than a curse, though it had caused him to butt heads with people a little in school...

"I-... Of course I won't..." His voice was soft, though he was still confused as to why he'd think any less of her. It was a scar. Unless she'd got it while... Actually, Matthew couldn't think of any situation which would cause him to think less of her. It was strange in the way that he was used to at least being able to imagine the situations, but quite pleasant, as it meant that his imagination wouldn't run away with itself and distract him from reality as it had a habit of doing... That would be why he was sometimes late to sessions...

She spoke again once he'd apologised and he nodded along. His gaze had turned back to his coffee again as she told him that he didn't have to worry and that she didn't mind telling. Wait, she'd just made him promise to not think less of her... She must have minded a little bit... Well, according to Matthew's over logical mind, she must have minded a little bit. He couldn't understand why she'd worry so much, otherwise... At her next words, Matthew looked at her. There was a hint of shock woven into his features. His gaze moved over her face as his mind fully processed what she'd said. 'next time it kills me'. Suicide attempt...

Well, it was a completely normal reaction to losing someone... Depression, which she appeared to have, could cause the feelings of hopelessness and the want to be rid of the worries and stresses... Mixed with the hopelessness and the feeling that they'd never be cheerful again (which reminded Matthew of Dementors) and it would create the feeling that the only way out was suicide... Though with her particular case, it was likely to be a want to join her husband...

She spoke again, confirming Matthew's mental guess. He glanced at his coffee again, missing the wince and wondering whether or not he should say that it was a normal reaction to losing someone, when he heard her next words. He frowned softly. That was wrong. Of course she was worth it. Everyone was worth concern or worry. Even the scum of the Earth were worth it...

"Y-You are worth it..." He mumbled, nursing the coffee between his hands now while rolling the cup back and forth, his hands going in opposite directions as he did so. "E-Everyone is..." His voice didn't raise nor strengthen nor do anything which would even resemble a demand for her to believe him, though he wished she would. "There... There's no reason why anyone shouldn't be worth concern, care or worry..." He continued, though he still didn't speak any louder. She would either believe him or she wouldn't. Raising his voice probably wouldn't do anything to make her believe him anymore than keeping his voice rather quiet would.

"The best way to deal with things and to... Organise your thoughts is to talk to someone or write your thoughts down..." He stated, not looking at her though watching his cup between his hands instead. "I... I've known people who have been depressed or had depressive moments and they write down what they're thinking... A friend of mine used to write down everything she thought about herself on a piece of paper then rip it up..." He continued, shrugging softly as he finished talking. "She said that ripping it up made her feel better than writing them down did, because she 'imagined destroying the thoughts'..." He pulled an expression of thoughtfulness and shrugged again. He glanced at her and bit the inside of his bottom lip before he spoke again. "Basic-... Basically... Don't worry about... About it. I... I asked." He added. How she'd would be able to know he was telling the truth was completely beyond Matthew, as he'd seemed to have forgotten how to talk without stuttering, but he hoped she'd understand... He hoped she'd believe him, too... Because no one deserved to feel like that. It was a strong belief of Matthew's that everyone was worth something and everyone deserved the best... Except perhaps people who did things purely to hurt others... But even they deserved someone to care about them and worry about them...

Sometimes...

((Notes: 1047 words! I rambled so much in this, though.))

[Amelia Raven Blake]

She mauled over the possibilities of what he would say when she told him. It was hard to believe that he would actually care, despite all the concern he'd shown in the last moments of their meeting. She glanced only slightly at him when he moved the coat back up her shoulders. She offered a very faint smile in reply to the action. But he probably hadn't caught it as his eyes were already back at his coffee.

If she had known his feelings towards being called 'Mister Reid' Amelia wouldn't have called him that, but since he hadn't expressed his dislike for the title, she was unable to avoid it. It was mainly due to the fact that she hardly knew him and that she probably didn't deserve to address him on a first name basis since they had just met and already she knew he was a better person then she.

Amelia wasn't sure why she was taking so long to just blurt it out. She was depressed and had tried to kill herself, she didn't regret it so why did she have so much trouble getting it out? It really didn't make sense to her. She wasn't really sure why she was going to even tell him in the first place. He probably had his own problems, why should she worry him with her own? It didn't seem right. At that point in time she almost decided against tell him. But of course she did any ways. There wasn't anything anyone could do to take it back anyways.

Why had she made him promise that? She didn't care what he thought of her. What difference did it make if he thought she was weak? She didn't care. That was his own opinion, he could think it if he liked. So why had she made him promise that? She didn't know. She really didn't know. She sighed faintly at this point, licking her lips and chewing absently on the inside of her lip, completely at a loss.

She glanced at him, she saw the shock falling over his face and she sighed, glancing at the ground. She glued her eyes to the snow glued to the ground and the flakes drifting from the sky. A frown molded her features, her forehead creasing with it. She didn't know why she had told him. He probably didn't need this. She was just mounting to his own problems probably. She felt bad instantly. She felt really bad. She muttered out an apology.

This wasn't the first time Amelia had tried to kill herself. She'd tried once back when she was a kid. She put a gun to her face and tried to pull the trigger. She'd been unable. She'd tried a second time when she knew Sullivan. He walked in and screamed at her for trying. She never tried again until now....that time William had walked it. It was horrible that he had walked it. So horrible. What had she been thinking? She was weak. She was an idiot for doing it while he was home. No! She was an idiot for trying at all!

She glanced at him when he said she was worth it. "...I've done horrible things in my life...I don't deserve it..." She muttered softly, sighing. She looked at him. "There are so many better people, concern shouldn't be wasted on me...." She sighed again looking out at the snow. "I already know you're a better person then I'll ever be..." She frowned slightly. "..But...thank you...I guess..." She offered a very faint smile.

She looked at him, listening. She found herself giving a faint nod. "Maybe I'll try that someday...I'll try anything....I just don't want to be like this anymore...I don't want to hurt anymore...I want to stop hurting my son...I can't put him through this...he's been through enough...loosing his father...his sister..." She sighed, running her hands across her face. She swallowed and sighed. "Sorry..." She glanced at him. "No, it's fine...I suppose I needed to get it out..." she gave a faint shrug and offered a thin smile. "Thanks.."

[Matthew Reid]

Matthew wasn't looking at her after he said that she deserved to be worried about and cared for. She did. Every single little voice of his mind - and there were a fair few of them - were telling her that she did. Of course, she couldn't read his thoughts but they were. He really wanted her to believe him, because he definitely believed it - maybe not about himself, granted - and she should have too! She was... Probably so much better than she thought Matthew realised while listening to her. As she told him that he was a better person than her, he choked back a laugh. That was probably impossible. Not only because she seemed like an exceptionally good human being, but because Matthew was pretty sure he was going to the center of hell for what he'd done in his life... Either that or Karma would catch up with him, anyway. He said a soft 'sorry' for laughing and sipped at his coffee.

At the thanks, Matthew nodded and smiled at her softly. He really wanted to tell her that no, he was not a better person than her but he didn't. He couldn't. That would seem ungrateful and, though Matthew didn't agree or believe her, he didn't want to seem ungrateful. Maybe he could tell her without seeming ungrateful? No. It probably wouldn't work. He did want to say it - to tell her that he was not better than her - but didn't know how to even if it wouldn't end in an argument and Matthew was expecting that it would.

"You're welcome..." He said softly, glancing at her before looking back at his coffee while continuing to roll the cup between his hands. He shifted slightly on the cold bench before he spoke again, this time about why she'd told him. The more she spoke, the more Matthew had the urge to... Heck, not even he knew what he was thinking of doing. Just something. Something to make her stop feeling so bad... Possibly take her pain away. From what he could tell of her so far, she was too nice of a person to deserve this...

As she thanked him again, Matthew gave another nod.

"Anytime." He said softly, smiling momentarily before looking down at his coffee again and pushing his glasses up his nose. With a somewhat deep breath, Matthew glanced in her direction. "W-We should probably, um... Get inside?" He suggested, his gaze having turned back to his coffee. "J-Just to get warm, I mean." He added hurriedly, looking at her again momentarily before his gaze turned back to his coffee as he took another sip.

((Notes: This sucks. I'm sorry. D: ))