Post by Amelia Raven Blake on Feb 3, 2013 19:03:53 GMT -5
can it be that you are mine forever, love, and you are watching over me from up above?
these wounds won't seem to heal...this pain is just too real..there's just too much that time cannot erase...
[/i]" His chest gave one last rise. His face contorted into one last grimace. His heart gave one last feeble beat and one last shaking breath passed through his lips. His body went limp in Amelia's arms, his dulled muddy brown eyes staring sightless into the clouded sky above.
"JOHN!!! NOO!!" She screamed, and the world went still and her heart shattered in her chest. She couldn't move, she was frozen to the ground as the knife was slammed into his chest as he leaped in front of her. He crumpled and she caught him as he fell, cradling him close to her chest. "No..no..no, please!" she sobbed, kissing her forehead, his lips wanting the pressure of it.
His face was pale in the thin shaft of moonlight, his eyes dulled with pain. "Amelia..." He whispered, trying to move his hand to her face, but he wasn't strong enough. He could hardly keep his eyes open and he wanted to comfort his wife but he knew that whatever he said would be a lie. "I-I-I'll a-al-alw-alway-always l-l-lo-love y-y-yo-you," he choked, blood trickling past his lips, "f-f-for-for-forev-forever a-a-a-a-and a-al-alw-alway-always...
His last three words lingered in the chilled air between them.
Forever and always.
She held him close, sobbing. "John!" She wailed, his blood vivid against her hands, her shirt. The tears blurred her vision, the force of her heart breaking sending pain through her whole body. "Please, John...please...don't leave me...I need you...I need you....you put the broken pieces of a shattered soul back together, I can't live without you...forever and always can't end now..." She knew, however, her cries where futile, he was gone...he was already gone.
Their attackers had already gone, Amelia was a broken woman by killing John they'd killed her. She was still sobbing over his body, long since fallen deathly pale and chilled, when the sun cast a bloody array of reds across the horizons signaling its rise. She had long since stopped crying, she didn't have any tears left to cry, but she still lay over his body as if her love could mend his wound and somehow bring him back to her.
She had lost everything. First her parents, then Alyss, who had been poisoned, and now John...this was the final straw. She couldn't live anymore, not in Gotham anyways. She'd find William and take him to New York with her, she couldn't stay in Gotham, not after this. Jim was here, but not even her adoptive father could help her now. Now a knife had been forced so deep into her heart, twisted, that she didn't think anything could fix her now. She was already sinking into a deep hole of depression. She didn't even look up when a cop car pulled up, lights flickering red and blue and sirens wailing.
"Amelia!?[/i]" Jim ran to her, and a new supply of tears came over her as he pulled her away from the body, holding her against him tightly as she sobbed, body shaking. One of the older man's arms was around her shoulders while the other stroked through her hair, holding her close. "Shh..shh...sh...I'm right here..."
Kill me! Amelia wanted to scream, she wanted to step in front of a bus and end her life. She didn't want - no, she couldn't live without John. He was her hero, her heart, her world, her light at the end of the tunnel, what she woke up to see, the only reason why she had lasted this long was because he was there at her side helping her through the good, the bad and the ugly.
Just kill me...I'm nothing without John. Thought Amelia in despair as Jim led her away from the body of the man who had died defending her.
~~~
Three days. Three days with him...and it was killing her. Every breath she took sent pain whispering through her body, without him she was nothing. Three days she hadn't eaten. Three days she hadn't slept because his voice, his face, haunted her dreams sending her into turmoil of pain and sorrow and hours of sobbing without the strong arms of her husband to hold her.
There was a new ring around her neck, on a separate chain that rested just against her heart. John's wedding ring, the engraving in the back was darkened with maroon...blood...his blood... She would spend long hours turning it around and around her fingers, tears sliding down her cheeks.
Now, now Amelia was standing in their bedroom, her eyes on their wedding day photo. She was laughing, her sapphire eyes glowing and so was John. His muddy brown eyes sparkling, that big grin across his face and his arm around her, his suit and her dress both ruined from the food fight. A broken sob broke from her mouth, "John..." she whispered, her voice hanging suspended in sadness, "I love you..." She closed her eyes, she hadn't looked in the mirror. If she had she would have noticed the dark bags beneath her eyes and how her ribs had begun to show, but none of that mattered to her anymore.
There was a gun pressed to her temple. It wasn't the first time she'd placed the cold muzzle there and it probably wouldn't be the last. William was the only thing that stopped her from ending her life, but she had come so close to pulling the trigger. She had killed countless times, why couldn't she kill herself, she was already dead...
Her phone rang, she already knew it was Jim calling to tell her that he was going to pick her up to drive her to the funeral...he didn't trust her to drive herself and frankly she didn't either. She slipped off the bed, putting down the gun and going to the closet where he took out a black dress, she didn't care what she was wearing. She slipped into it, her hands shaking and her bottom lip quivering when she saw the black suit John had worn at their wedding, the pie stains still there and she sank to her knees, sobbing into her hands.
Her shoulders shook with immense strength. Downstairs she heard the door open and feet rushing up the stairs. "Amelia!?" She twined her fingers into the fabric, feeling it beneath her fingers, sobbing hard and gasping for the breath she didn't have as her sobs became harder and her shoulders shook like an earthquake. She just wanted to scream at the sky, curse every god out there for taking the man she loved from her. But she didn't have the voice, it was trapped beneath the sobs that exploded from her mouth and caged beneath the baseball in her throat.
"Why?" she cried out around her sobs as Jim pulled her into his arms, holding her in a tight hug. "Why does God hate me? Why John? Why Alyss? Why did he have to take them!?" Her hands balled into fists in his shirt as she wept. The commissioner's only reply was a sad shake of his head, and a mumbled reply of 'I don't know'.
When he had managed to quiet her sobs, he guided her to the car, driving her to the church where she fell into another fit of choking sobs. She sat up front with Jim at her side, leaning against him to hide her face in his shoulder when she needed to sob. At one point the priest turned to look at her and offered a sad smile, beckoning to the podium, silently asking if she whispered to give a speech.
Amelia Raven Blake nodded, rising from her seat beside her adoptive father and moved shakily to the stand, taking a deep breath and looking out across familiar faces. She closed her eyes and choked for a moment before starting, "Robin Jonathon Blake, was my hero, nothing less. He was my guardian and my protector, my heart and my soul and I will forever love him. He was the most amazing man on the face of the Earth, without him..." she shook her head sadly, looking down at the wood, silent tears sliding down her face, "without him, I believe I would have died. He saved me from myself and rebuilt my broken world...and now he's gone...I blame myself for this extraordinary man's death, he died defending me. But that's not why I'm up here, I'm up here to recount my fondest memory with my husband to you..." She took a deep breath and went on,
"It was at Bruce and Hailey's wedding," she smiled sadly at the memory the first vision she'd ever seen while in John's presence, "we were dancing, and he looked at me and said, 'Some wedding, isn't it?' which I had grinned and nodded too, laughing as he twirled me, my silver dress fanning out around my feet and my blonde hair flying out behind me before he pulled me back to him, my hands returning to his shoulders and my eyes locking back with his. He had gone on to say, 'Kind of makes you want to go to another one, doesn't it?' I had teased him with the reply of, 'Not really, that is unless it's the right person.' His face fell a bit at that, but then I went on, giving his cheek a quick kiss, 'But I don't think I'll have to wait long for the right person, he's right here.'" Amelia was smiling sadly, tears dripping down her face. "John asked me to marry him the next day...I'll never forget it...and I'll never forget him..."
She left the stand, returning to Jim's embrace.
Later, when he was buried, Amelia knelt in the light dusting of snow, tracing the words engraved in the tombstone. He hadn't come back like he had last time. He was truly gone.
Robin Jonathon Blake
Beloved husband and father
He will never be forgotten
She looked up at Jim, rising to her feet. "I'm leaving." She said softly. "I can't stay in Gotham any more...I'm sorry...I just...I can't...I'll come back every now and then to visit, but I can't live here..." Jim sighed, nodding. "I understand, just promise you'll be careful." He put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a quick tight hug. She nodded sadly. "I promise."
Then she turned away and returned to her car, from where she drove home and collected the things she'd packed and William, before leaving. She drove from the city where she had found so much love returning to New York, the place where she worked as a SHIELD agent. She hadn't been there in forever, she had quit the GCPD, she couldn't face the sympathy of those there. She didn't know why she was returning to SHIELD. She didn't want the sympathy either she just wanted to die, still. But William needed his mother to be strong. So she would. For her son.
She dropped him off at her appartment in New York and wondered down to Central Park where she sat on a bench and took out her phone, staring at the picture of her and John. No one at SHIELD knew yet. There was only one person she wanted to talk to. Clint Barton. She called him, listening to the rings. When he picked up, her shaking voice spoke but it wasn't her own it was dominated by oncoming tears and heavy depressed, sleepless nights and the agony of a broken heart, "Clint?"[/color][/blockquote]
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone...but though you're still with me...i've been alone all along...
i feel you all around me...your memories so clear...deep in the stillness i can hear you speak...
i feel you all around me...your memories so clear...deep in the stillness i can hear you speak...
