Dealing with the Unthinkable (-william-)

[Amelia Raven Blake]

...Time dragged on, it had no real meaning, it was just something tethering the blonde to reality...the reality that had shattered along with the heart in her chest. She sighed, shifting her position on their bed, looking down at the picture in her hands. They all looked so happy. She remembered the day, they'd all gone out with Jim and Barbara Gordon, it had been Jim who took the picture. His arm had been casually around her waist, his eyes looking only at her despite the camera, there was an easy smile across his lips and a loving glow in his muddy eyes. She'd been grinning, looking into his eyes, her own sapphire orbs glittering in the gently sunlight. The other blonde in the picture had been laughing in a boy's direction, amused at the not-so-amused look on his face.

There would never be photos like that anymore.

There would never an arm snaking around her waist and pulling her into the comfort of familiar arms.

There would never be that laugh echoing throughout the house, putting a smile on her face whenever she heard it.

There would never be those nights when all she wanted to do was give up...and he'd be there to help her back up.

They'd been through so much together.

They'd cheated death together.

She should have known it would have been only a matter of time before it all came to a close.

Time without him, how long she didn't know, it was killing her. Small tears slipped down her face and she didn't try to stop them. Before long she was in tears, shoulders shaking silently. She cried harder recalling the last words he ever said to her. Forever and always. I love you forever and always. The pain was immense like someone had slammed a knife into her heart and twisted it just to hear her screams. She couldn't' believe that he was gone. She didn't believe it. She just wanted to believe that one day she would wake up in their room, where she was at the moment, and John would be laying beside her.

She could picture it now. Her forehead gently pressed to his chest, her lips curled into a smile, a smile she was sure never to wear again, her golden hair across the pillow next to her because sometime during the night she would have moved to John's side stealing his pillow just to be as close to him as she could possibly get. They would be close, their bodies radiating heat and his arm would be lazily across her waist and when she'd stir it would tighten, bringing her closer to him. She'd smile, lifting up her head to gently plant a kiss against his lips or his jawline or chin or cheek. He wouldn't open his eyes, but a smile would gracefully sneak across his lips turning up the edges into a relaxed grin and a contented sigh would slid calmly through his nostrils. She'd close her eyes again, snuggling closer to him, wrapping her arms gently around his neck. She'd say three little words to express her affection towards the man who would always live in her heart and he'd repeat them adding three more words that the blonde and her husband said frequently to each other.

Forever and always. Three little words that became his last communion.

If she concentrated she could bring that wish into her dreams, but it would only drive that knife further into her heart. Dreams like those would never come true, it was hard to admit but it was the truth. And the truth stung like a million whips.

Oh John...Alyss...forgive me that I live and you are gone...don't ask me, what your sacrifice was for...

Amelia was filled with a grief that couldn't be spoken, a pain that went on and on. There was an empty table in her house here in New York, an empty chair at the head of the table. There they talked about 'tomorrow'...and tomorrow never came...There they talked of simple things, the joys that life could offer, sent jokes each other's way, grinned loving at each other, laughed, smiled, argued, frowned, grinned, they were a family...they were a family no more...

Her hand trembled as she raised the knife laying, no longer forgotten, beside her. She placed it against the side of her neck and pressed it into her flesh. The cool bite of the metal numbed her pain as crimson trickled down the side of her neck, sharp pain coursing through her but it was no where near the agony in her heart...

[William Blake]

Time had been hell for William as his father and sister had passed away and left him and his mother all alone.He felt angry and miserable for it.He sighed heavily as he sat in his dark room and drew a bunch of dark and depressing pictures.

He had dealt with the loss in his own way. He had pulled away more from people and instead drawing back to his drawn summons for company. For the last few weeks he had barely spoken to anyone and mostly stayed in his room.

He was worried about his mother as well but he had no idea how to deal with this and how to help his mother. "dad . sis .. why did you die on us "he muttered out bitterly and bit down on his lips and drew more on his sketchpad before he decided to go down and get some some food and check up on his mother. As he walked in the room he found his mother with the knife and he clenched his teeth tightly and growled "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?? Your gonna abandon me too ?" His tone was cold and harsh as he glared at his mother " i didn't know you were so weak ..mother "

[Amelia Raven Blake]

Amelia dropped the knife when she heard her son, her head whipped towards him, blood dripping down her neck. It wasn't deep enough to kill her but it was still deep. She sighed in horror slipping off the bed. "William..." she said softly, feeling the tears coming. She fell to her knees in front of him, looking into his eyes.

"You're right," she said softly, putting her hands on his shoulders, hers quivering from sleepless nights and weeks without eating. "I am weak..." she gently cupped his cheeks in her hands like she used to when he was younger, turning his head down and kissing his head before gently hugging him, feeling the tears leaking down her face.

"I'm sorry...I"m so sorry..." she hugged him tightly. "I thought I was a pretty bad mother before ..." she choked a lump rising in her throat, "before your father and your sister died...but...now....now I"m a worse mother then I ever was when they were alive....I'm so sorry my son...so sorry..." She held him close, trying hard to control the tears leaking down her face.

[William Blake]

He glared at his mother as she sat with the knife on her neck and blood dripping down. "don't William me.. all these years you've told me to be strong and endure life and its hardships .and now your sitting here like some weak bitch with a knife on her neck cause you lost dad and Alyss .. what about me ? what about the boy you still have ? you're ready to leave me behind here?" he asked coldly and looked his mother in the eyes

He sighed heavily and looked down at the floor " you cant leave me too .. i cant be left alone . then i would have nothing left to live for.. mom please snap out of this " he said softly and looked at her with tears brimming in his eyes as he began to relax as she did the things she would always do when he was younger.

"mom shut up .. you were never a bad mother .. you were the best and still are . its just I'm scared your gonna leave me too . especially if you keep doing what you just did .. shit like that wont solve anything mom ..it just makes it worse ..they are gone and i hate that but you still have me " he said weakly and felt a bit shaky.

[Amelia Raven Blake]

Amelia looked at the ground. "I"m so sorry Will, honey." She sighed, looking at her son. "You're so grown up...so strong," she whispered, brushing her thumb across the base of his eyes to clear away the brimming tears. She kissed his forehead.

"I won't leave you, I promise. I'm right here, sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere," her arms tightened around him, holding her son close to her.

She attempted a gentle attempt at motherly chiding, "You shouldn't tell your mother to shut up," she whispered, kissing his head gently. She felt him shaking slightly and pulled him into her lap, leaning against the wall, holding him as she did when he was a child. She gently began to hum the melody she would when he'd wake from a nightmare. "I'm right here." she murmured, stroking his hair in a motherly way.

[William Blake]

Will sighed softly and looked at her " i know mom . just don't ever do that again " he said softly and looked at his mother and hugged her tighter to him. "mom i swear ill stay strong for you . try to be your rock .. to always be here when you need me " he said softly and sighed " i know you miss them and it hurts . i miss them too . but i cant fall apart , if i let myself sink any deeper ,i will "

He sighed softly and hugged her more "Good mom . i don't want you to leave me .. i need you too much " he said softly and looked at him and pouted a bit .

William had to laugh as she tried to chide him in her motherly way."oh i can when she is being stupid and doing something dangerous " he said softly and smiled a bit weakly.He sighed as she pulled him onto her lap and held him as she used to when he was younger.He closed his eyes as he heard the old lullaby she would hum to him when he was little and had woken from a nightmare.

[Amelia Raven Blake]

"I'm so sorry that you had to see that...no child should have to see it...I'm ashamed to have done it..." she chuckled sadly, "Your father is rolling over in his grave..." She smiled faintly at him, "You're too wise for your age," she teased gently, smiling faintly.

Amelia ruffled his hair. "I love you too much to leave you," she whispered. "I just spend too much grieving over what I've lost ...blinding myself from the angel I still have."

She chuckled faintly, ruffling his hair a bit. "I don't think it would be very effective if I tried to ground you would it?" She held him close, gently rocking him in her arms, continuing to hum gently.

[William Blake]

"mom we all have moments of weakness , but you cant let it take over and rule you "He said softly and looks at his mother as she spoke "Dad would be pissed at you mom .. " he hugged her more and sighed softly " please just don't do shit like this again " he smiled and sighed softly "I'm not too wise .. mom ..I'm just as much a fool as everyone else " his voice was soft and gentle.


Will gave a soft sigh as she ruffled his hair."you better not . you still remember my promise . if you die on me , ill worse than any villain " he whispered softly as he knew he would be blinded by anger and hatred, his strongest bond was his mother. " its easy to lose sight of what you have ,when you mourn what you have not" he spoke softly and kissed his mothers cheek gently. "and i am no angel .mom you do remember my summons " he said softly and smirked.

Will laughed softly and groaned as she ruffled his hair again " no it would not .. " he said softly and gave a soft smile. "i wish they hadn't died on us , but i guess life is unfair like that "

[Amelia Raven Blake]

Amelia regarded her son, pride shining in her moist eyes. You're my wise little boy," she said softly, kissing his forehead. "That's what you'll always be, no matter what you say." She smiled faintly, drawing him close to her. "I'm so sorry for all the shit that's been happening...I'm so sorry..."

The blonde leaned her cheek against the top of his head in a motherly way. "I'm right here," she told him gently, rubbing his back. She didn't want to see what he would become without her. She wouldn't let that happen, she would just have to fight away the pain and the sadness, she couldn't abandon him. She chuckled softly at the mention of his summons. "Fine, you're my little devil then," she smiled at him.

She smiled at his groan. "Oh you know you don't mind it." She chuckled with a sigh, "I suppose I should learn to discipline you better." She didn't know how to do that, she'd lost her parents too young to really get in big trouble for things, besides she had been a pretty well behaved child. "I wish that too...but I'm glad I still have you."

[William Blake]

Will smiled softly and hugged his mother more and held her close to him " meh I'm an old man at heart . always kinda been that " he smiled one of his now a days much rarer smiles. "its not your fault mom ..you couldn't have done anything .. if anything i blame fury for all this crap and that damn playboy Wayne ..i ought to send one of my summons on them " he said softly


"you better stay with me mom ..i told you before . without you I'm lost and ill probable end up worse than any of the villains you`ve faced or a nut-job in the asylum misbehaving with my summons and you know I'm a growing boy and i have some creative ideas " he sighed softly and just held onto her. "devils better than mushroom .. a million times better " he said with a soft groan.


"mom ..what is it with you and my hair . i swear sometimes i worry that you might curl it or something when I'm asleep " he joked with a lazy smile " heey i don't need discipline .. I'm aaaan angel " he smiles and tries to give his best Innocent face. "yeah as long as we have each-other mom ,it will be alright " he said softly and hugged her again.

[Amelia Raven Blake]

Amelia chuckled at his words. "But you'll always be my little boy. Always." She smiled at his smile, knowing how rare it was. "Fury's a good man, William," she sighed, "you can't always blame him. He does what he can. All of us who work for him know the risks, we'll gladly face them." She smirked. "You know Bruce is a friend. He was your father's closest."

"I promise you, I"m not going anywhere," she told him gently. She laughed softly. "Blame your father, he allowed it. I just brought it up and he didn't protest to it." She smiled at him. She loved her son and she would always no matter how much trouble he got himself into. He was her boy. Always would be no matter how old he got.

Amelia laughed. "I wouldn't do that!" She smirked at him. "If anyone would have done that it would have been your sister." She chuckled. "An angel? Oh really?" She laughed softly. "You feign innocence so horribly," she teased him gently and nodded. "I know." She hugged him tightly.